I haven't written a post like this in some time because Anna Grace has been doing so well and we have been living pretty normally now for the last few months.
Even though Anna Grace has been doing terrific, her third open heart surgery is always looming in the back of my mind. Seriously. Always. It doesn't take much to bring me to tears when I think about it and I Just Cry.
You've probably heard me mention before that Anna Grace does not yet sleep through the night. Sometimes, after I've been up with her in the night and I'm finally back in bed I can't sleep and my mind wanders. I start to think about the third surgery and I Just Cry. My mind starts racing. Especially in the middle of the night. I imagine how she will feel when she wakes up after surgery and how her eyes will be wide with fear. She won't be able to talk because she'll have the vent in and she will be scared and I will not be able to do anything for her except stroke her head for all of the tubes and lines that will be coming out of her body. I would say that it is like a nightmare, except it is reality and I know because we have DONE IT BEFORE. And it is HARD. I Just Cry.
Now, please don't misunderstand me. I am not walking around crying all of the time. I am mostly trying to soak in every moment and every memory I can make with my kids because I know how truly precious they are. But, it is hard being a heart mom and our kids have to endure so, so much. As a Mom it just breaks your heart somtimes, and you Just Cry.
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2 comments:
This post is so true...there are times when I just cry too. This is the time of year when I just cry a whole lot...too much thinking about what Hope has already been through and knowing she has one more to go. Just think...when you are crying, another heart mom is probably crying right along with you.
Bless your heart. I'm sure being a heart mom is so so hard. Prayers for you. I'm going to be a heart grandma. Our little grand daughter will be born in Nov. with HPRH and your blog has filled my heart with hope. You can't imagine how very much I appreciate you for sharing your and Anna Grace's story. It is such a blessing for a fearful grandma.
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