God alone is Sovereign

1 Chronicles 29:11

Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdom, O LORD, and you are exalted as head above all.

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Thursday, September 10, 2009

Medicaid and Jesus

Today has been a turbulent day for me. I received a phone call this morning about 9:30 from my Medicaid caseworker, Mrs. J. She was calling to inform me that Medicaid is going to deny coverage for our family. As she is a fellow Christian she didn’t want me just getting a letter in the mail with no explanation. She wanted to call me personally to tell me that we will have Medicaid coverage through then end of September & that it will cease beginning October 1. She also wanted to tell me a couple of things I could provide Medicaid to appeal the decision, but that even with the appeal coverage will cease on October 1 and perhaps be reinstated at a later date if the appeal overturns the decision. Of course this was not the news I wanted to hear, but I thanked her for her phone call and for taking the time to help us.

After getting off the phone with her I just began to weep. I went upstairs in search of my husband Brian to tell him the news. I told him what she said and Brian held me as I wept & wept. Now let me just clarify, this was not just crying here but break down sobbing that ended with me in the bathroom vomiting because I was so upset. Of all the news we have gotten why did this upset me so much…. I guess because I was focusing on the weight of everything… the seriousness of Anna Grace’s condition, the uncertainty of financial burdens, how is it all going to work out, am I even going to get to bring her home…. I was just focusing so much on the path that I don’t want to be walking that I was blinded to what – or more specifically WHO I need to be focusing on.

After some time my sweet husband began to remind me of WHO our God is. We are HIS children after all and HE is sovereign. This phone call from Medicaid was not a surprise to HIM and HE is in control. He promises that He is going to take care of us – NOT that we are going to be approved for Medicaid. There is a reason He has us walking this path, we have to TRUST HIM and continue to keep our eyes focused on Him. What a wonderful husband I have to help me direct my attention back to WHO it needs to be on – JESUS. These days that I am living in right now are truly requiring me to stay focused on Jesus at all times. It seems if I take my eyes off Him for just a second I will be swept away in a sea of worry and anxiety that will overwhelm me in a split second.

I want to share a story with you about Jesus found in Matthew Chapter 14: 22-33.

22Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24but the boat was already a considerable distance[a] from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. 25During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. 27But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." 28"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." 29"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" 31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" 32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

You see, I can absolutely relate to Peter in this story in a way that I have never been able to understand before today. It was me this morning who was doubting and shouting “save me”. I am in a storm, I am in a trial that I can not fix myself. I HAVE to keep my gaze focused on Jesus – not my husband, not the doctors, not Medicaid. This is where I am today.

Please join with me in praying about God’s provision for our family – either through Medicaid or however it is God sees fit to provide for us.

I, of course, ask you to continue to pray for healing of Anna Grace’s heart.

Some things I am thankful for today…..

I am thankful that I have a husband who … “is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.” Psalm 1:3.

I am thankful that we will still have Medicaid coverage during our whirlwind day of doctor visits in Charleston on September 22.

I am thankful that through this crazy day Anna Grace is still continuing to flip & kick and make her presence known.

I am thankful that I belong to a God who has a better plan than me, even if I don’t know what it is. How would I walk this path without Him?????


Susan said...

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

mom2lo said...

I just found your blog today. My husband and I have a 2 year old daughter and are expecting our son, Chase, the last week of October. At my 20 week ultrasound, he was diagnosed with HLHS. It rocked us to the core, but we know our God is bigger than this diamosis! I just has my 32-week appointment at MUSC last week. It was a whirlwind day, but the PC staff was absolutely amazing! I will begin praying now for Anna Grace, for God's healing touch, for answers to your financial worries and for the strength for you and your husband to get through this difficult journey. I'd love to hear from you sometime if you'd like to email me! God bless you and your family!