January 4 will be burned into my mind for the rest of my life I think. January 4th is the day that Anna Grace had her first open heart surgery, the Norwood. January 4th was the very first time that I was able to hold my daughter. Brian and I set our alarms (as if we even needed them... who could sleep). We got up at 3:00 am and arrived to the hospital about 4:00 am. We were in Bed 5 in the PCICU and it was quiet in the PCICU. We pulled up a chair alongside Anna Grace's little hospital bed and the nurses gingerly set her in my lap. You see, Anna Grace had so many lines running into her little body that holding her and disturbing those lines could be dangerous to Anna Grace, but a couple hours prior to such a big surgery the doctors allowed us to hold her knowing that if any lines were disturbed they could be run again in surgery. So, there we were, in the PCICU holding our daughter for the first time. Even though there were nurses, doctors and other patients all around us I don't remember any of that... only holding her. There were tears of joy streaming down my face pretty much the entire time I got to hold her that morning. Then of course it was Brian's turn and I beleive that was when he coined her nickname "Gracie-Poo". He started singing to her "Little Gracie-Poo... Little Gracei-Poo.... I Love You". He sang it over and over to her. I can vividly hear him singing softly to her with the sounds of her monitors beeping in the background. It was so sweet. To this day Brian rarely ever calls her Anna Grace, it's always Gracie.
Then the dreaded 6:00 hour arrived. That was when anesthesia was coming to take our baby away. Ugh..... I think one of the hardest things I have ever had to do was hand our newborn daughter over for open heart surgery. It is gut wrenching. You know you have to, but everything in you wants to grab your child and run. Ugh.... I really don't know how to describe it. Anguish. After they took her they gave us a beeper which the surgeon used to update us on Anna Grace's progress during the surgery.
Around noon Anna Grace was out of srugery and we met with her surgeon who told us everything went as expected. That is great news after such a serious surgery. We felt like we could breathe again... until we were told that the first 24-48 hours after this surgery are critical. So... it seemed that you breathe for just a second and then... hold your breathe again. What a day.... January 4th is a day I will never forget. I am so thankful for where we are today on this one year anniversary of Anna Grace's Norwood.
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Tina, I sit reading your post with tears in my eyes because I know that gut wrenching feeling all to well! It's like we are walking in the shoe prints that you have left behind. It's almost like I am reading Charlotte's story. Thanks for posting, you are a Blessing to me, and I am Thankful for you!
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