Joy That Runs Deep

"The heart that learns to die with Christ soon knows the blessed experience of rising with Him, and all the world's persecutions cannot still the high note of holy joy that springs up in the soul that has become the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit."

The Radical Cross (living the passion of Christ) A.W. Tozer

Oh Father I desire to have that kind of joy? Please destroy my flesh and cause in me a spring that flows from the Spirit.

Jesus Died!

The best 11 minute Gospel presentation I've ever heard!!! He is preaching from Psalm 24 for any who might be interested.

Medicaid and Jesus

Today has been a turbulent day for me. I received a phone call this morning about 9:30 from my Medicaid caseworker, Mrs. J. She was calling to inform me that Medicaid is going to deny coverage for our family. As she is a fellow Christian she didn’t want me just getting a letter in the mail with no explanation. She wanted to call me personally to tell me that we will have Medicaid coverage through then end of September & that it will cease beginning October 1. She also wanted to tell me a couple of things I could provide Medicaid to appeal the decision, but that even with the appeal coverage will cease on October 1 and perhaps be reinstated at a later date if the appeal overturns the decision. Of course this was not the news I wanted to hear, but I thanked her for her phone call and for taking the time to help us.

After getting off the phone with her I just began to weep. I went upstairs in search of my husband Brian to tell him the news. I told him what she said and Brian held me as I wept & wept. Now let me just clarify, this was not just crying here but break down sobbing that ended with me in the bathroom vomiting because I was so upset. Of all the news we have gotten why did this upset me so much…. I guess because I was focusing on the weight of everything… the seriousness of Anna Grace’s condition, the uncertainty of financial burdens, how is it all going to work out, am I even going to get to bring her home…. I was just focusing so much on the path that I don’t want to be walking that I was blinded to what – or more specifically WHO I need to be focusing on.

After some time my sweet husband began to remind me of WHO our God is. We are HIS children after all and HE is sovereign. This phone call from Medicaid was not a surprise to HIM and HE is in control. He promises that He is going to take care of us – NOT that we are going to be approved for Medicaid. There is a reason He has us walking this path, we have to TRUST HIM and continue to keep our eyes focused on Him. What a wonderful husband I have to help me direct my attention back to WHO it needs to be on – JESUS. These days that I am living in right now are truly requiring me to stay focused on Jesus at all times. It seems if I take my eyes off Him for just a second I will be swept away in a sea of worry and anxiety that will overwhelm me in a split second.

I want to share a story with you about Jesus found in Matthew Chapter 14: 22-33.

22Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24but the boat was already a considerable distance[a] from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. 25During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. 27But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." 28"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." 29"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" 31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" 32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."


You see, I can absolutely relate to Peter in this story in a way that I have never been able to understand before today. It was me this morning who was doubting and shouting “save me”. I am in a storm, I am in a trial that I can not fix myself. I HAVE to keep my gaze focused on Jesus – not my husband, not the doctors, not Medicaid. This is where I am today.

Please join with me in praying about God’s provision for our family – either through Medicaid or however it is God sees fit to provide for us.

I, of course, ask you to continue to pray for healing of Anna Grace’s heart.

Some things I am thankful for today…..

I am thankful that I have a husband who … “is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.” Psalm 1:3.

I am thankful that we will still have Medicaid coverage during our whirlwind day of doctor visits in Charleston on September 22.

I am thankful that through this crazy day Anna Grace is still continuing to flip & kick and make her presence known.

I am thankful that I belong to a God who has a better plan than me, even if I don’t know what it is. How would I walk this path without Him?????

Calling for Freezer Ready Recipes

Hello friends,

In all of the list making & preparation I have been doing recently I thought I should add to one of my lists to prepare some casseroles or meals to put in the freezer than my husband could EASILY pop into the oven for a meal during the time that I will be in Charleston with Anna Grace. I'm not really sure how long I will be gone and I don't want my husband & son eating McDonalds for two months straight! I have a few recipes of "freezer worthy" casseroles, but if you have a recipe or two that you think freezes well and is "husband friendly" for the cooking then I would certainly welcome your recipes. Thanks for your help my friends!!!

Where is the Passion and Do We Really Care

Are You Ashamed of the Scandal

Listen to God use brother Washer to do some God exalting preaching...His message is God's message and we would do well to listen and take heed to His call if He so wishes to call.

September 22, 2009 - MUSC

I wanted to update everyone and let them know that I received a call today from MUSC (Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston) to schedule our first whirlwind day of doctors visits at the hospital where Anna Grace will be born. We are going to be traveling to Charleston the evening of Monday, September 21 and starting our doctor’s appointments on Tuesday, September 22 beginning at 8:00 am. We feel like we should be able to get wrapped up by 5:00 or 6:00 that Tuesday so we should be able to drive home that Tuesday night & sleep in our own bed. Again, this is not a toddler friendly outing so Zachary will be staying in Spartanburg with his grandparents (thank you Mee-Maw & Papa)!

I was told that we will start our day Tuesday by meeting with Dr. Shirali who is a Pediatric Cardiologist and he will be performing another echocardiogram on Anna Grace’s heart. He will be giving a second opinion to Dr. Rauniker’s diagnosis of last week. I’m told that we will not be talking with any heart surgeons at all on this day. I guess that will be another visit as we get closer to Anna Grace’s birth.

After we meet with Dr. Shirali we will then move along to our next appointment where we will meet with a Maternal-Fetal Specialist for an ultrasound and to set up a delivery plan. Since I will be delivering Anna Grace in Charleston my regular Obstetrician will not be delivering her so this doctor will be the one to handle her actual delivery. I am truly praying that they will go ahead & schedule my c-section while I am there (I will elaborate on why this is important next). I am also praying that I like this doctor as much as my regular Obstetrician.

After those two appointments we will be heading over to the Ronald McDonald house where we will be taking a tour & meeting with them about possibly staying there once Anna Grace is born. It would be really great if we can get in at the Ronald McDonald house as it is right across the street from the hospital and they only charge about $20 a day to stay there (as opposed to $75 + a day to stay in a hotel). The thing is that there is a waiting list to get into the Ronald McDonald house & we can’t get on the waiting list until we have a scheduled delivery date (hence the importance of getting this scheduled ASAP). It is a first come, first served type of thing from what I understand with the Ronald McDonald house. It would truly be a blessing to be able to stay there, especially considering that I will be having a c-section so will need someplace to lay down & rest throughout the day once I’ve been released from the hospital. A little plug for the Ronald McDonald House real quick while I’m talking about it….. if you ever eat at McDonalds there are little boxes by the cash register as well as little boxes outside of the drive thru where you can drop in your change (or even dollar bills). These donations go to support the Ronald McDonald house so PLEASE feel free to empty your change cup here next time you’re at McDonalds!!!

So, I want to say that I am certainly thankful that these appointments have been scheduled AND that they have been scheduled in the month of September. As far as I know we will still have the temporary Medicaid coverage on September 22 and that is certainly a blessing for us! Please pray for us specifically for safe travel to & from Charleston as well as for wisdom for the doctors we will be meeting with while we are there. Brian & I will be seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit throughout these next several months as how best to proceed with Anna Grace’s care - there is a lot to consider for her and we are not medically trained so we are learning as we go and seeking God’s guidance.

Also, PRAISE to GOD for providing traveling money for us to take this trip to Charleston. This past weekend we received a monetary gift from loving friends which we believe should cover the cost of our travel expenses to & from Charleston. What a blessing! Thanks you friends – you know who you are!!!!

On a more frivolous & FUN note…… I want to just briefly mention that some ladies from my Church are planning a baby shower for me on Saturday, November 7. I don’t have any details right now other than the date. I am SO EXCITED about this baby shower because it is allowing me the opportunity to dream about bringing my little girl home and focus on something OTHER than open heart surgery. It is a very welcome distraction & I am so very thankful that God has placed these ladies in my life who are so thoughtful to want to do this for us. Thank you friends!

One more thing…. I mentioned in one of my earlier BLOG’s that we’ll be having a clean the house day. We have it scheduled for Saturday, October 17 and are planning to spend the entire day getting things in order, cleaning, painting & setting up the nursery, etc. If you want to come help you can plan to come at any time during the day on October 17. We’ll be here!

Thank you all for continuing to pray for Anna Grace and our family.